Family Resources
These eleven short tips come from Deirdre Virvo, a social worker and the founder of Just Like Home, two small residential memory care homes in Shelton, Connecticut. Drawn from her Memory Care Tip video series, they are simple, practical ways to talk with a loved one who is living with Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia.
Be patient and calm. Seniors with dementia may need more time to process information and formulate responses. Speaking slowly and calmly gives them the space they need, so pause between sentences and avoid interrupting them. Show patience with your body language, maintaining a relaxed posture.
Use simple language. Dementia can make it harder for people to understand complex language, so simple, clear, concise language makes communication more accessible. Use familiar words and short sentences. For instance, instead of "Let's go to the dining room to have dinner," just say, "Let's eat dinner."
Use nonverbal cues. Nonverbal communication like gestures and facial expressions can enhance understanding and provide additional context to words. Nod, smile, and use hand gestures to reinforce your message. A gentle touch on the hand or on the shoulder can convey empathy and support.
Be reassuring. People with dementia may experience confusion and anxiety, and reassurance can help alleviate these feelings. Use a simple, soothing tone and offer comforting phrases like "It's okay" or "I'm here to help." Physical reassurance like a gentle touch can also be very comforting.
Minimize distractions. A calm and quiet environment helps the person with dementia focus better on the conversation. Turn off background noise like the TV or radio, and choose a quiet room for conversations. This reduces sensory overload and makes it easier for them to concentrate.
Ask one question at a time. Multiple questions can be overwhelming for someone with dementia, and one question at a time allows them to process and respond more easily. For instance, instead of asking, "Do you want coffee or tea?" ask, "Would you like tea?" And if they say no, then ask, "Would you like coffee?"
Listen actively. Active listening shows that you value their input and helps build trust and rapport. Use verbal affirmations like "I see" and "yes," and reflect back what they say to show understanding. For instance, "You're feeling tired today."
Use names and relationships. Dementia can impair memory, so using names and explaining relationships helps a person make connections. Even wear a name badge if appropriate. Instead of saying, "They're coming to visit," say, "Your daughter, Mary, is coming to visit." This provides clarity and context.
Repeat and rephrase. If a person doesn't understand something, repeating or rephrasing can help them grasp the information better. For instance, if they don't understand "It's time to take your medication," try saying, "Let's take your pills now." Always try to avoid saying, "Don't you remember?" because that is just so frustrating.
Use positive language. Positive language is encouraging and can help guide behavior more effectively than negative commands. For instance, instead of saying, "Don't stand up," say, "Please sit down." Positive language is more likely to be received well and followed.
Be respectful. Treating the person with respect preserves their dignity and promotes self-esteem. Speak to them as adults and include them in conversations. Avoid speaking about them as if they aren't there. Use polite language and be mindful of your tone.
Just Like Home is two small residential memory care homes in Shelton, Connecticut.
Call (203) 689-7562